I won't be blogging here anymore. Uninterested in paying to post more pictures. Hopefully I'll be able to slowly print out all of my posts and scrapbook them for the memories...

Find me on http://www.tumblr.com! 

I've loved Angels In America since HBO turned it into a movie (and dreamed of playing Harper, although I can't imagine anyone doing a better job than Mary Louise Parker). I'd read and heard things about it being banned from Texas theatres, so of course I was fascinated. I would love to see it on stage. Recently I got the actual play and I think it's a very beautiful, very important piece of art. Here are some of my favorite quotes. Much respect, Tony Kushner.

(This is one of my very favorite monologues- couldn't find it typed out, but found it on YouTube.)

I hate America, Louis. I hate this country. It’s just big ideas, and stories, and people dying, and people like you. The white cracker who wrote the national anthem knew what he was doing. He set the word 'free' to a note so high nobody can reach it. That was deliberate. Nothing on Earth sounds less like freedom to me. You come to room 1013 over at the hospital, I'll show you America. Terminal, crazy and mean. I live in America, Louis, that’s hard enough, I don’t have to love it. You do that. Everybody’s got to love something.

You have a good heart and you think the good thing is to be guilty and kind but it's not always kind to be gentle and soft, there's a genuine violence softness and kindness visit on people. Sometimes self-interested is the most generous thing you can be.

Harper: In your experience of the world. How do people change?

Mormon Mother: Well it has something to do with God so it's not very nice.

God splits the skin with a jagged thumbnail from throat to belly and then plunges a huge filthy hand in, he grabs hold of your bloody tubes and they slip to evade his grasp but he squeezes hard, he insists, he pulls and pulls till all your innards are yanked out and the pain! We can't even talk about that. And then he stuffs them back, dirty, tangled and torn. It's up to you to do the stitching.

Harper: And then up you get. And walk around.

Mormon Mother: Just mangled guts pretending.

Harper: That's how people change.

Don't be afraid; people are so afraid; don't be afraid to live in the raw wind, naked, alone...Learn at least this: What you are capable of. Let nothing stand in your way.

I've lived through such terrible times and there are people who live through much worse. But you see them living anyway. When they're more spirit than body, more sores than skin, when they're burned and in agony, when flies lay eggs in the corners of the eyes of their children - they live. Death usually has to take life away. I don't know if that's just the animal. I don't know if it's not braver to die, but I recognize the habit; the addiction to being alive. So we live past hope. If I can find hope anywhere, that's it, that's the best I can do. It's so much not enough. It's so inadequate. But still bless me anyway. I want more life.

I'm not religious, but I like God and he likes me.

Night flight to San Francisco; chase the moon across America. God, it’s been years since I was on a plane. When we hit 35,000 feet we’ll have reached the tropopause, the great belt of calm air, as close as I’ll ever get to the ozone. I dreamed we were there. The plane leapt the tropopause, the safe air, and attained the outer rim, the ozone, which was ragged and torn, patches of it threadbare as old cheesecloth, and that was frightening. But I saw something that only I could see because of my astonishing ability to see such things: Souls were rising, from the earth far below, souls of the dead, of people who had perished, from famine, from war, from the plague, and they floated up, like skydivers in reverse, limbs all akimbo, wheeling and spinning. And the souls of these departed joined hands, clasped ankles, and formed a web, a great net of souls, and the souls were three-atom oxygen molecules of the stuff of ozone, and the outer rim absorbed them and was repaired. Nothing’s lost forever. In this world, there’s a kind of painful progress. Longing for what we’ve left behind, and dreaming ahead. At least I think that’s so.

Harper: I see something else about you.
Prior: Oh?
Harper: Deep inside you, there's a part of you, the most inner part, entirely free of disease. I can see that.
Prior: Is that ... That isn't true.
Harper: Threshhold of revelation.

 

It's 50 degrees... let's have a fire!

Today we celebrated the life and mourned the passing of a dear friend's Father. We voted (and you should too). We grocery shopped. Then we came home and did this shiz...

 

 It took me 900 years to take this picture, that's why he's not looking at the camera...

 

First fire of the season

2 ingredient lemon bars- eh. Not my favorite thing ever. But if you're interested (a Pinterest find): 1 box Angel Food Cake Mix, 1 can lemon pie filling; Mix and bake at 350 for 20 minutes. They taste...off to me. Too sweet, maybe? I'm not sure.  

Puerto Rico, represent.

 

Currently on the iHome...

 

Tomorrow we're celebrating my Grandaddy's birthday at my Mom's house. Hopefully he'll have a great day and enjoy his presents. 

Be soft.

I'm repeating this to myself daily. BE SOFT.

During these times (ahem... during an election) it's natural for me to feel livid when I hear things that I think are nonsensical. And roll my eyes. A lot. It's easy for me to judge people who I feel are apathetic. To judge people who don't pay attention. And think people are stupid. Which is the worst insult imaginable.

During these times, it's hard to be soft. Without feeling like you're giving in. Or giving up. It's difficult to feel like anything less than "fired up" is acceptable.

But oh, how I'm trying. And mostly succeeding.

Be better than that. Be soft. Be sweet.
... and repeat.

Honeymoon at Sea

Bill's parents gifted us an amazing Honeymoon cruise to Progreso and Cozumel, Mexico. Here are a few pictures from our trip. We are still in post-vacation mourning. ;)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dark and early Monday morning we left for Galveston. The drive seemed pretty fast (to me, anyway, I wasn't driving) while we took turns listening to our iPods, the radio -when our iPods failed- and each other's commentary on the cities we passed through. (Neither of us are fans of Houston.) We got to (what I assume was) "downtown" Galveston and found a cute little diner that also sold antiques and crafty stuff by our ship and had the first of many big breakfasts of the week. Bill dropped me and our luggage off at port and parked the car across the street... then we started the process of boarding the ship. While I was waiting on Bill, some guy came by and took our checked bags (and Bill's carry-on...my bad... everything ended up ok in the end), so boarding was pretty painless- minus the waiting, which wasn't even that long.

As soon as we got on the boat, we got the sugary-sweet-fruity-alcoholic-beverage-special-in-a-souvenir-cup (with a pineapple and cherry garnish, of course!) which would later prove to be a really bad idea for me. (Two rum-vodka-whatever else with fruit punch drinks for a girl who rarely drinks and usually sticks to vodka sodas + unexpected sea sickness = Puke City.) I'd love to go on about the trip in great detail, but after those drinks- things gets hazy ("Spring Break, whoooooo!!!")... so here's what I wrote down on a piece of Carnival stationary the last day of our trip (not very helpful):

Monday: Breakfast in Galveston, Boarded the Ship, Casino, Dinner in Dining Room, Emily gets sea sick :(

(We stuck to the penny slots and that night in the dining room I think Bill had brisket and I had salmon with cheesecake-to-go for us both because our table-mates were a little too chatty for our taste. We're usually pretty quiet people, on top of that I was more than likely having a hard time keeping food down... I'm sure they were lovely, we saw more of them several times during the trip. *The best time was in Progreso when the wife was having tequila poured down her throat and her head ...among other things... shaken by the bartender. Bill and I both did the same thing... no judging, it's Mexico.*)

Tuesday: Breakfast at Buffet, Shopping on Ship, Casino, Piano Sing-Along

(We never had breakfast in the formal dining room, but who cares because the buffet was fantastic! Breakfast is my favorite. Getting to wake up and have breakfast with my Husband on a giant boat is my favorite. I think at this point I'd gotten my sea legs <sort of, I still couldn't stomach much alcohol for the rest of the trip, which isn't really a bad thing?> at this point and am remembering french toast with blueberry butter and grits and eggs and delicious bacon and sauteed mushrooms and lots of fresh fruit. Basically, we love to eat and the food (specifically breakfast) was the bomb.

The ship had a few shops: a Carnival shop with souvenir stuff, a coffee/pastry/gelato shop, a candy shop and the one I spent the most time at, the "super expensive shop that you can't really afford but is fun to look at" shop. Makeup, perfume, skin care, watches, diamonds and other jewels, etc. But they also had some great sales and I got two pretty jewelry pouches and a giant yellow beach bag (that matched the sun hat that I never wore because it was too huge, but still, MATCHED IT PERFECTLY) for $12. The bag was a great buy- perfect size, I used it the entire trip and it carried all of our souvenirs home.

I'm sure we did the same ol', same ol' at the Casino. Neither of us are gamblers. I'm not sure which day it was (probably Tuesday, because I think it was the night before Progreso), but I won like, $20 at the penny slots and cashed out. HEY, BIG SPENDER!! DA, DA, DA DAAA!!! Bill spent a little more time there than I did (while I was being boring and napping off sea sickness or booze or sunburn or all of the above in our room)... so we definitely spent some $$$, but not a lot. I'd rather shop and he's a penny pincher.

The Piano Sing-Along Bar was my favorite place on the ship (besides our room and balcony, of course). Bill's, too, I think. We're not really the type to go booty dance at the "club" (unless, you know, we are reeeeally overserved)...so the cozy little piano bar with a slightly older (ok, ok, the much older) crowd was where we fit in- because we are OLD SOULS, GODDAMMIT (or maybe just old, whatevs). The entertainment was great- I forget the guy's name (Frank?), but he was talented and funny and awesome. I had some drinks, sang a song requested by the piano player *http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsRNCvHXHHU*, sang a song requested by someone else *http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLblaUFfHwc* and had a fantastic time snuggling up to Bill and singing along with the crowd.)

Wednesday: Progreso- Mayan Ruins and Shopping

(I'll be honest and say that I didn't think I would be super interested in the Dzibilchaltun Mayan Ruins. On Wednesday we got breakfast sent to our room and got ready to go out and see Progreso, Mexico. The day started with shopping, since that's what slaps you in the face as soon as you get off the boat. We got on the bus to go to the ruins and our guide was really friendly and informative. I started to get more and more interested and by the time we got there, I was pretty excited about the tour. The history was amazing, the ruins were beautiful, the museum was awesome... but the best part was the sink hole. It's crazy to think of how many people used this tiny sink hole as a water source back in the day- today it's just... absolutely beautiful. Fresh, crystal clear water covered with lily pads, full of thousands of tiny fish swimming around with you. It was cold and a perfect little dip on a hot day. Bill climbed up the steps of the ruins while I took pictures, we got a Mayan calendar with symbols for our wedding day (still not exactly sure what it all means- we got the Spanish version, so Bill will have to read it to me at some point) and hopped the bus back to port where we did some more shopping and some drinking before getting back on the ship.)

Thursday: Cozumel- Shopping, Taxi to San Francisco Beach, Lunch, Swimming 

(Room service breakfast, again (not a huge selection to choose from- but you can definitely fill your tummy before heading out into Mexico... I stuck with yogurt/bagel/apple juice pretty much every time we got breakfast sent to our room). The water in Cozumel is a different color blue than I've ever seen (it almost looks fake, like they poured dye in it) and the port is much prettier than Progreso (I'm told it's a lot more established, so that's probably why). To get through to the island, you have to go through the duty free shop... we passed on all the free tequila samples on the way in. We did some shopping and found that we should have done the majority of our souvenir shopping in Progreso- it's a little less expensive. Bill spoke to one of the shop keepers (I bought two dresses from her) and she apparently expressed their frustration with the fact that the tourists get to Cozumel and don't want to pay the higher prices. We got some super cheap beer and juice from 7-11 (looking back, we should have loaded up- especially on water- we were allowed to take a 12-pack of non-alcoholic beverages each onto the boat... and we didn't, so we ended up paying $4 for bottled water and $3 for sodas- nonsense) and drank it while walking around and haggling with a taxi driver. He wanted to take us around the entire island (I'm glad we decided against that because we wouldn't have had the time), but we decided (or Bill and the taxi driver decided, in Spanish- Hi, I'm just the white girl hanging out here, down for whatever) to go to San Francisco Beach and it was a great decision. Ocean. Drinks. Seafood. Not much more to say. One of life's perfect days. On the way back we hit up every free tequila sample we had time for. What a difference 5 hours makes.)

Friday: Reading on the balcony, Breakfast, Casino, Art Auction, Trivia, Piano Bar

(I guess I wrote down "reading on the balcony" because it was one of the most soothing things I've done in a long time. If you go on a cruise, get a room with a balcony. I guess we got a huge one... not sure why... but both of our next door neighbors commented on the size of ours and asked if we requested the bigger balcony (I didn't book the trip, but I'm almost positive we just lucked out and got one that was 3 times the size of our neighbors'). We had a lounge chair, 3 regular chairs and a little table. Waking up to the ocean, taking a pillow outside to the lounge chair and reading to fill up time while Bill was still asleep was heaven. When he woke up we did the breakfast buffet, again (I think we only did this twice?) and I decided to have a couple of Bloody Marys while we played the slots for a bit. We went to an art auction (the free champagne was great... but I wasn't a fan of anything they -tried to- sell... and none of the paintings that I tagged got brought out- bummer). Played a trivia game (just for fun, I think you had to enter the first day to actually win anything and we didn't) and spent some R&R time in our room before seeing the New Orleans show (I don't know why I expected more from the show... but I was disappointed) and having dinner in the dining room (I think... this may have been the night before- like I said, after those first drinks, things got hazy)- we both had steak this time, I think... followed with chocolate cake for him and apple pie for me. Food. Yum. We ended our night at the Piano Bar. I drank champagne and sang "Someone to Watch Over Me" to my new Husband.)

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I'm sure there were tons of other activities we could have done. Bill took advantage of the water slide and hot tubs while I rested (and nursed a sunburn). We could have stayed up 'til all hours of the night and partied with the other passengers, but that's not really us. We're early to bed, early to rise kind of people... and, it being our Honeymoon, stayed pretty close together and enjoyed being in our own little world, as we very often do. We found what we liked and stuck to it, kind of routine... but we had plenty of adventures off the ship in Mexico!

We sang Freddie Mercury songs on the way home until I fell asleep and woke up an hour away from Dallas.

The first of many trips together as a Husband and Wife...

On September 29, 2012 I married my soulmate, William Alvarez.

Life is so good.

 

That's the plan, Stan.

We should have eloped. I'm excited about all the things to come in the next several weeks and had a wonderful time at our beautiful wedding shower, but we should have eloped. (We could have eloped and still enjoyed all the fun stuff and thrown a great party to celebrate- my emotions don't mesh well with being the center of attention and feeling like I must please EVERYONE. The ceremony is proving to be a little more difficult than I thought. I thought everything was going to be simple, easy breezy. Not so much. Now I totally get why normal ladies turn into Bridezillas.) 

That's all I'm going to say about that.

 

Us at our Wedding Shower

 

 

I'm sure I've written more than enough information about Endometriosis in the past, but it's been an MF-er lately. After a laproscopic procedure to remove scar tissue and infected tissue and more trips to the GYN than I can count- it isn't any better. The last time I went to the GYN, she mentioned that she had a chiropractor friend who worked with patients who have Endo (why was this the first time I heard about a natural remedy??! So far we've been poking and prodding and filling my belly full of pills and my lady junk full of Nuvaring). She explained that nothing can "cure" the Endo, but that treating other things (back pain, headaches, nausea, etc.) could possibly make my life a lot easier.

 

So, I took to the internet (mainly Pinterest, actually) in search of other alternatives and found entire articles about balancing hormones and whatnot. Mainly this one: http://wellnessmama.com/5425/balance-hormones/.

 

I've tried (unsuccessfully, since I forget to put it on) Natural Progesterone Cream in the past and will be using it with this list of other supplements/oils/etc. that I've purchased:

 

-Ancient Minerals Magnesium Oil

-MACA Power (Gelatinized Capsules, as I don't think I'll bake enough to get the powder into my system)

-Blue Ice Fermented Cod Liver Oil Capsules

-Super Calcium Softgels (my friend Ashlea advised me to make sure to take Calcium w/ the Magnesium... especially since I hope to cut dairy out of my diet next month... more on that in a minute)

-Spring Valley Vitamin B-Complex Sublingual Liquid

... and another friend, Heather, told me that some Folic Acid couldn't hurt.

 

I will be starting all of this after our wedding. Why after? Because I'm going to put myself on a strict diet, quit smoking, quit using certain household cleaners and make sure my stress level is LOW. (Planning a wedding- my stress level is through the roof!) I have my Bachelorette Party coming up, where I will be eating sushi and consuming adult beverages and also, our Wedding "Ceremony" is at The State Fair of Texas- and if you've ever been there, you know why my new "strict diet" would be completely ruined. I'm going to enjoy our wedding cupcakes and a Fletcher's Corny Dog and not feel guilty about it one bit. Oh, and then there's our Honeymoon... in Mexico... enough said. And in preparation for all this, I will be doing some hardcore cardio (which isn't good for Endo, apparently- they recommend walking, weights, etc... lots of cardio has the possibility of making things worse).

 

I want to start with a clean slate. I want to feel exactly what's helping and what's not helping when I start taking this new stuff. Will I ever give up a food group completely? No. I feel like that would create a whole different level of stress for me, if I attempted to control everything I put in my mouth. Food is good... sometimes it's bad for you, but that's life. My life, anyway. But I will try my very hardest to do what's best for my body and mind and eventually it will become a routine and a way of life.

 

I've accepted the fact that I'll be a less-than-skinny Bride, but I will not be an unhealthy Wife and Mother. I will not let Endometriosis, stress and anxiety control me as I've allowed it to do in the past (and present- today I feel awful and can't do much without cramping, crying and vomiting).

 

I'm ready to be married. I'm ready to be married. I'm really really really ready to be married.  

 

   (These guys are the greatest!)